That's why I'm still single: I think I'm getting old

To quote a smart little girl, today is mah birthday. I should be excited, or at the very least, mildly amused, but I can't get used to the idea that my next exciting birthday will be my 30th, the day my youth dies. 22 isn't old by any means, unless you happen to be Mormon like me. In Mormon years, I'm past old maid, and am slowly creeping into the territory covered by the last knight in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

This is actually me, early mornings sans concealer.

Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of perks that come with growing older. Senior citizen discounts, you can wear sparkly sweaters, bad behavior is passed off as eccentric rather than just crazy, plus I don't have to give a crap about my social life as it relates to members of the opposite sex. That's actually the reason why I'm still single today; I don't give the men in my life enough credit. Coco and I were discussing reasons food is better than men, and we came up with a pretty hefty list. For simplicities sake, here's an abbreviated version:

1. Food never forgets your birthday.

2. A delicious brownie is more warming than any hug.

3. I've never been dumped by a sandwich (if it ever happens though, I'm throwing in the towel for life).

4. A meal always follows through (get it, its a poop joke).

5. A cake never gives you the stink eye while you're eating it.